Those Who Mourn

by Nichole Haugen

I was often told to “offer it up” when I faced challenges as a child.

I took this to mean that I should “suck it up.” That is, I should stop complaining; my feelings and what I was struggling with wasn’t important.

But that is not what this phrase means.

Still, as I have grown and matured in my faith I find myself at times wondering if I am offering up my suffering the right way.

Am I surrendering my grief completely?

I hear quite often that God loves us and will never give us more than we can handle, but my broken human heart struggles to grasp that.

Because life is painful.

There are ways every single day that I feel cracked and broken. This can be in little cuts like my children complaining about the food that I serve, or big cuts like lies in my marriage and my parents dying four months apart. These cuts are ways that the devil starts to sneak into our hearts. He takes our hurt and pain and speaks lies into them that we start to believe are truths about our identity.

So how do we offer it up?

For me the difference between offering it up and sucking it up is the way each one makes me feel. When I think of sucking it up, I feel rejected, hurt, lonely, and miserable. When I think of offering my pain and hurt to Jesus so He can hold and mend me, I feel peaceful, calm, and free.

It’s the difference between going it alone or asking Jesus for help.

But asking for help is not always easy.

The past month I have been in a very big grief spiral. Life has felt hard and heavy. I didn’t want to pray. I didn’t want to bring it to Jesus. I already felt rejected by Him and how He allowed this to happen. I certainly didn’t want to bring more to Him only to be rejected even more.

Then it clicked – that was the lie that the devil was not only feeding me, but that I was believing wholeheartedly. The lie that Jesus wants me to suffer. The lie that Jesus wants me to be alone in my suffering.

Photo by Grzegorz Sękulski on Unsplash

Sometimes Jesus wants us to flip over tables and have an outward action against an injustice that has been done. But at other times, Jesus wants us to have a more inward action of offering our suffering up to Him.

Both of those are actions.

We tend to believe that the action of offering up our suffering is not as beneficial. It’s quiet. No one knows we are doing it. Sometimes we think that we need to stand up against every injustice, but this can lead us down the path of complaining, not praying, and feeling like a victim.

So how do we know which path to choose?

I know that this starts by asking Jesus. I know that this calls for me to die unto myself and not believe that I have to do everything alone. I am working on the belief that the quiet offering is the most powerful action of all.

In this month of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, remember that His mercy is ever outpouring. Even when we don’t show up perfectly. Especially, when we don’t show up perfectly. Do not lose hope in the heaviness of grief. Let us invite Jesus into all parts of our heart, so that we may be healed.

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