Those Who Mourn

by Allison Brown

In November 2016, I experienced my fourth miscarriage, and it affected me more deeply than the earlier ones. I endured trauma from the mistreatment by one of the doctors in the emergency department. I also suffered from the overall stigma surrounding miscarriages.

This miscarriage left me feeling vulnerable, scared, and plunged into the most profound grief I had ever experienced. The isolation was palpable; all the grief I had buried and allowed to remain hidden was showing its ugly head. I felt confused, lost, and alone.

I struggled to understand why people who claim to be pro-life wouldn’t acknowledge the life I had carried and lost. It was bewildering that others thought it was strange for us to name our babies and talk openly about them in our home. I longed for understanding.

When I discovered I was pregnant, I felt a mix of joy and anticipation. The name Lola kept coming to mind. At the time, my preschooler would come home and talk about his little friend “Lila” from school. He would pronounce her name as Lola.

All of a sudden, Our Lady of Sorrows was making her presence known to me. People were recommending that I pray to her. I remember double-checking my dates on the calendar. Counting back to the week I fell pregnant. I realized that this baby would have been conceived near the feast of Our Lady of Sorrows. On further research, I learned that the name Lola means “sorrow”.

Lola is a feminine name of Spanish origin, meaning “sorrows.” It is a shortened version of the name Dolores, which is derived from a Spanish title given to the Virgin Mary, Nuestra Señora de los Dolores, meaning “Our Lady of Sorrows.” – http://www.thebump.com

After learning all of this, I reflected on the Seven Sorrows. I realized that Mary understands the grief of losing a child. She had to surrender her own child to God. Mary accepted this heavy cross for the glory of God’s kingdom. She understands the depths of our sorrow, and I was indeed experiencing much sorrow that I carried for many years.

The Seven Sorrows and the Four Promises

The Memorial of Our Lady of Sorrows commemorates the seven sorrows of Mary as noted in Scripture. This title honors the Mother of the “Suffering Servant” (Isaiah 52:13, 53:12). It is celebrated immediately after the Exaltation of the Holy Cross.

1. The prophecy of Simeon (Luke 2:25–35)
2. The flight into Egypt (Matthew 2:13–15)
3. Loss of the Child Jesus for three days (Luke 2:41–50)
4. Mary meets Jesus on His way to Calvary (Luke 23:27–31; John 19:17)
5. Crucifixion and Death of Jesus (John 19:25–30)
6. The body of Jesus was taken from the Cross (Psalm 130; Luke 23:50–54; John 19:31–37)
7. The burial of Jesus (Isaiah 53:8; Luke 23:50–56; John 19:38–42; Mark 15:40–47)

In his book, The Glories of Mary, St. Alphonsus wrote of four blessings Our Lord would grant to those who meditate on the Seven Sorrows:

1. “That those who invoke the divine mother by her sorrows, before death will merit to obtain true repentance of all their sins.”
2. “That He will protect such in their tribulations, especially at the hour of death.”
3. “That He will impress upon them the memory of His passion, and that they shall have their reward for it in heaven.”
4. “That He will commit such devout servants to the hands of Mary, that she may dispose of them according to her pleasure, and obtain for them all the graces she desires.”

My faith in God provides comfort during this challenging journey. I find strength in knowing that my unborn babies are now in His loving arms.

As we guide our living children towards the path of heaven, a miscarriage becomes a journey of escorting our unborn babies to heaven, into the loving embrace of Jesus. This thought, though tinged with sorrow, fills me with hope. It doesn’t erase the pain of losing my babies. But through sharing my story and finding solace in faith, I have discovered a path to healing and hope. I wish to extend this comfort and reassurance to others who have endured similar loss.

Mary has consistently been a beacon of comfort during my darkest hours. Over the years, I have often turned to her. I asked her to keep me close, under her protective mantle. I wanted her to be a mother to me. I now recite the Angelus prayer daily. The Angelus serves as my ‘check-in’ with my Heavenly Mother. It helps me feel that special connection with Mary as I pause during the day to pray. Her presence brings me warmth and solace.

Mary continues to love and guide me through each day and season. She is a comfort and a gentle reassurance. I know that I am not alone in my sorrow. Mary walks beside me with her beloved son, Jesus. Knowing that she was reunited with her Son in heaven gives me hope that I, too, will be united with my precious babies. Until then, I entrust all of my children to her motherly care.

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