by Nichole Haugen
As we get into the heart of summer, it can feel like life is moving too fast and painfully slow at the same time. St. Mary Magdalene’s feast day is July 22, and I wanted to reflect on this great saint and the ways she teaches us that grief is love.
I invite you to take a moment to slow down, reflect on this scene, and open your heart to Our Lord the way Mary Magdalene did.
From the Book of John 20:1-18
On the first day of the week, Mary of Magdala came to the tomb early in the morning, while it was still dark, and saw the stone removed from the tomb. So she ran and went to Simon Peter and to the other disciple whom Jesus loved, and told them, “They have taken the Lord from the tomb, and we don’t know where they put him.” So Peter and the other disciple went out and came to the tomb. They both ran, but the other disciple ran faster than Peter and arrived at the tomb first; he bent down and saw the burial cloths there, but did not go in. When Simon Peter arrived after him, he went into the tomb and saw the burial cloths there, and the cloth that had covered his head, not with the burial cloths but rolled up in a separate place.Then the other disciple also went in, the one who had arrived at the tomb first, and he saw and believed. For they did not yet understand the scripture that he had to rise from the dead. Then the disciples returned home. But Mary stayed outside the tomb weeping. And as she wept, she bent over into the tomb and saw two angels in white sitting there, one at the head and one at the feet where the body of Jesus had been. And they said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping?” She said to them, “They have taken my Lord, and I don’t know where they laid him.” When she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus there, but did not know it was Jesus. Jesus said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you looking for?” She thought it was the gardener and said to him, “Sir, if you carried him away, tell me where you laid him, and I will take him.” Jesus said to her, “Mary!” She turned and said to him in Hebrew, “Rabbouni,”* which means Teacher. Jesus said to her, “Stop holding on to me,for I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am going to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’” Mary of Magdala went and announced to the disciples, “I have seen the Lord,” and what he told her.
As I reflect on this passage, I imagine what that morning must have been like.
I know how I feel when I have been crying for days and am emotionally drained. I picture Mary Magdalene, exhausted from watching the Man who changed her life be brutally murdered. I’m sure she got little to no sleep the night before. Her eyes were probably swollen from crying. Her shoulders likely sagged under the weight of grief. Every step toward the tomb must have felt heavy.
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Then, as she approached, she saw the stone had been moved.
They had tortured her Lord, and now they couldn’t even leave Him alone in death.
As she ran to get the disciples, I’m sure there were a thousand thoughts racing through her mind. The kind of thoughts that come in grief when none of them are good. The kind that only add to the panic, confusion, and fear.
As Peter and John ran back to the tomb with her, I’m sure they were all overwhelmed. Maybe anger and frustration joined the panic. I always appreciate how John makes sure to mention that he got there first. I chuckle every time I read that part. It reminds me of their humanity. They spent so much time together and probably argued like siblings from time to time.
As they searched for Jesus’ body, Mary Magdalene stayed outside the tomb and wept.
I can understand the despair she felt as she sat there. I know the hurt, the anger, and the overwhelming sadness pressing down on her. The longing for everything to go back to the way it was. The endless “what ifs.” The desperate desire for one more conversation, one more moment, one more chance.
She was searching for Someone she loved who was no longer there.
At that moment, she didn’t recognize Jesus, but He recognized her.
He saw her hurt.
He saw her pain.
He saw her grief.
He didn’t tell her to stop looking. He didn’t tell her to get over it or remind her that life goes on. Instead, He asked, “Whom are you looking for?”
Then He spoke her name. In a world that felt shattered, Jesus reminded her that she was still known.
He met her in her grief.
Christ’s Appearance to Mary Magdalene after the Resurrection, Alexander Andreyevich Ivanov, 1835
I often think that in our grief, we are searching too. We are searching for the life we had before. We are searching for the person we miss. We are searching for meaning in the pain. And ultimately, whether we realize it or not, we are searching for Him.
Jesus knows this.
He knows that grief lingers because love lingers.
Just as Mary lingered by the tomb, how are you lingering in your grief?
This is not a bad thing.
This is where you are searching for the love that remains. You may linger over old photographs, text messages, voicemails, or memories. You may revisit places that remind you of your loved one. You may find yourself returning to stories you’ve told a hundred times before.
Grief is not unhealthy simply because it is ongoing.
God is not repelled by your sorrow.
As Mary Magdalene sat in her grief, she couldn’t recognize Jesus. Grief often makes it difficult for us to recognize Him too. It can feel like He isn’t near. It can feel like He has left us or turned away from us.
But feelings are not facts.
It is important to remember that while grief can make God feel distant, His presence never depends on our ability to emotionally feel Him. He remains with us whether we sense Him or not.
Everything changed when Jesus said her name.
In that moment, she felt seen. She felt known. She felt loved.
One of the deepest pains of grief is feeling unseen. It can feel like everyone else has moved on while you are left carrying the weight of your loss. It can feel like people have forgotten, while you are still struggling every day.
But Jesus sees you.
He sees you crying in the shower.
He sees you trying to hold it together while your children are falling apart.
He sees you pretending to be okay.
He sees you grieving in silence.
And He longs for you to come to Him.
He longs for you to bring Him your questions, your anger, your sadness, your confusion, and your heartbreak. He longs to sit with you as a friend and carry the burdens you were never meant to carry alone.
Sometimes that feels scary. Sometimes it even feels silly.
But the more we practice turning toward Him, the easier it becomes. The more we allow ourselves to be honest with Him, the more we begin to recognize His presence.
You do not need to force joy.
You do not need to force closure.
You do not need to force productivity or emotional recovery.
Healing in grief often happens slowly and gently.
Grieving people are not forgotten by God.
The risen Christ did not avoid Mary Magdalene’s grief. He stepped directly into it.
And He still does this for you.
Nichole Haugen is a wife, mom to six girls, nurse, and grief coach. In 2019, her dad passed away after a long fight with cancer, and just four months later, her mom died suddenly in a winter storm. Now she supports others on their grief journeys, helping them feel understood and reminding them they don’t have to face it alone. You can learn more about Nichole at catholicgriefcoach.com, or follow her on TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram.