Those Who Mourn

by Andrea Bear

Most of us may not be old enough to remember Gracie Allen, a young vaudeville actress who died in 1964. She was even ahead of my time, but I remember her husband, George Burns, a well-known comedian who entertained fans all the way into the late 1990’s. Not too long after Gracie died, George was going through some of her things and came across an envelope she had left for him. Inside a letter revealed the words, “Never place a period where God places a comma.”   George would wait to be reunited with Gracie another 32  years before he died in 1996. On their tombstone,  the words inscribed read Together Again.  

So what lesson can we learn from Gracie and George about commas? This makes me think about how commas are really the pauses, the halts, or the unexpected moments in our lives that slow us down to see the goodness God puts in front of us. Commas can look different and, like in a sentence, have different uses. Below are some thoughts on how commas are effective not only in sentence structure but also in grief. 

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Commas help with run-on sentences

Even with day-to-day affairs, we so often look for the end goal. I’ll be the first to admit, I’m not a patient person.  It’s something I work at every day, especially in a world that demands finish lines.   Society treats grief the same. Get to the end, push through your sadness or anger. When we treat our grief this way, we bulldoze through; we have one large run-on sentence that falls apart and makes no sense.

As much as I’d like to move past the pain by rushing the comma, I know that a pause is necessary. It’s there for me to stop, make sense of my surroundings. The comma helps me take in the parts of the sentence where I need to learn a lesson. George had 32 more “commas” before he united with Gracie. During those years, he brought so much joy to the world. Had he tried to rush and focus on his own agenda, the world would have been less colorful without his comedy.  As you go through your own seasons, let God place the commas where he wants so that he will make the journey more fruitful for you and for others. 

Commas unite contrasting ideas

The commas in our life produce pauses, but they can also unite a juxtaposition. In my first years of grief after losing my mom, the comma  left me feeling restless. When will this pain be over? When can I get back to normal? But the comma gave me hope knowing my pain was not wasted, and God would help me in my grief. An example of this is seen in the Beatitudes. 

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.”

“Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”

God’s commas in the Beatitudes combine the hard and the reward. Two opposing ideas joined by a comma, proof that embracing the difficult leads to the prize. When we allow the challenges of life to take place and work through them, God is there in the entire sentence. He doesn’t want you to be filled with only pain, but to use that pain to get to the beauty. As I learned in my own experience, my loss made me more sympathetic, more understanding, and even improved my patience. The comma doesn’t just divide the pain, it also bridges the blessing. I could use my pain to help others in their grief. Sadness and joy could coexist. 

Commas are the waypoints 

Another thought about commas is that they are stopping points for anticipation. Setting the timer on the oven and waiting for a baked treat, can be just as exciting as the treat itself. Preparing and gathering in the kitchen before a meal with friends, the measuring of ingredients, the smells coming from the oven, are all part of the experience that make the first bite of a meal all the more enjoyable.  Without the commas or anticipation, we skip over the hidden beauties.

Commas can work the same way in grief. Grief may not seem like a joyful anticipation, but when we focus on the shared casserole someone has made for us, or the anticipation of a friend to come over, we can look at the blessings in grief while we wait to cross the comma. Some of the moments that lead up can be enjoyable. The anticipation of opening a gift is almost as exciting as the gift itself. Looking for the anticipated blessings keeps us hopeful. We are promised that we will reunite with God. The anticipation now in life does not have to be despair. 

They that hope in the LORD will renew their strength, they will soar on eagles’ wings; They will run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint. Isaiah 40:31

Photo by Mel Poole on Unsplash

Commas are intentional 

Gracie’s words bring to mind another well-known belief.  “God’s timing is perfect.”  While we may not know the future commas in life and grief, and even when the feeling of isolation and despair creep back in as they will do, let us remember that God’s timing is never wasted. The seasons of pausing teach us to love, to sit in the moment, to look for gratitude, and yes, even to be uncomfortable in the grief. But through all of those commas, we know we have a kind, loving Father in heaven who cares for us, and in the end, those commas are used for His glory and for our healing. 

There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens. Ecclesiastes 3:1

While we wait during this season, let’s give thanks for the small but significant commas in our lives.

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