by Nelly Sosa-Ramirez
At the beginning of June 1998, I felt a call to pray the Rosary during my morning walks and to stop, if only for a few minutes, by the Blessed Sacrament Chapel in our parish. I went to Catholic school all my life, but didn’t have a one-on-one relationship with the Lord growing up, so at 17, this was very new for me.
This routine filled me with joy and peace. My heart was being cared for. I think it was the very first time I knew my faith was real, and I felt in my soul something bigger than me that I could not explain. It was beautiful and motivating. I enjoyed my time at the Chapel, opening my soul to Jesus for the first time.
A few days later, the morning of June 18th, 1998, life as I knew it changed completely.
The sun was shining, and I was getting ready to start my first summer job in a wholesale store. My heart was bursting with anticipation: what could go wrong today? I had a feeling of joyful accomplishment. I was so proud of myself, but most importantly, my parents – especially my Dad – were proud of me, too! He was going to drive me to the store on the way to his office.
As I was taking a shower, I heard some noises in my parents’ bedroom. At first, I could not hear very well, and then I did: my Mom was yelling my Dad’s name “Pepe, Pepe! Are you all right? What’s happening?” I jumped out of the shower, and dressed as fast as I could when my Mom called my name. She was asking for my help – my Dad was lying on his bed, unresponsive. She needed me to call an ambulance. I don’t remember all of the details; I have scenes in my head that have vanished, but I guess I found the emergency number on one of those fridge magnets that Mom always had at hand.
My hands were shaking and my world was, too.
From the door of my parents’ bedroom, Dad looked like he was peacefully sleeping. He had just taken a shower, and I could smell his lotion throughout the room. He was wearing a blue buttoned shirt and jeans, the same clothes he would use on Sundays for Mass or for any other work day. Except now, he was lying on his bed and we had no idea what was going on.
The paramedics arrived and took over while we waited impatiently outside. Mom and I were crying in panic, trying to pray without much success. I felt a new and strange feeling expanding from my head to my toes. I guess in my heart, I knew what was going to happen. It felt like a nightmare; I was so scared. My heart was breaking to pieces knowing that my younger brother and sister were at school, completely unaware of what was going on.
I don’t even remember what the paramedics said, but after a few minutes that felt like days, my Dad had passed away at 43 years old.
I cried and I prayed many nights, trying to make sense of the emptiness and grief that we all were experiencing. I wanted to believe that God was there, somewhere. But the truth is that without Dad, I was struggling to believe that I had a loving Father in heaven.
It’s been 27 years since Dad’s passing, and after a million heartbreaks – and by the grace of God – I can tell you today that He never left me or my family.
We had the loving care of our extended family always at hand. My best friend was by my side supporting me, and most importantly, my mom and I became very close.
I was discouraged many times, and I made mistakes when I tried to do things on my own. But now I see that those apparent failures were providential. They led me to the Father’s arms, to a deeper encounter with Him, and eventually, to my loving husband and our three children.
Losing my Dad so young has been the hardest trial of my life so far. But in the midst of sorrow and confusion, somehow I was able to find the footprints of the Father, surrender to His perfect will, and follow Him. Once I recognized God as the Lord of my Life, He started to reveal His perfect plan to me. Entrusting my life to Jesus, I started to grow in friendship with Him. Realizing how powerless I was allowed me to see the greatness of His love and His mercy.
I firmly believe that on those early days of June 1998, Our Mother Mary touched my heart in a very special way at the Blessed Sacrament Chapel. She was praying for me, too, sustaining me and strengthening my soul for the trial that was about to come.
She was presenting me to the Father.
Nelly Sosa-Ramirez is a daughter of God, Catholic wife and homeschool mom of three children who help her to find the face of God and grow in holiness every day. Nelly is the founder of the Catholic and Hispanic women’s community, El Árbol Menta. You can find and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.
Photo by Emily Jefferies