Those Who Mourn

by Allison Brown

I have been quietly dreading February. Our twins were due on the 17th, and this February, we would have been celebrating their first birthday, a milestone that holds deep emotional significance for us.

I have always loved celebrating first birthdays. My pregnancies were always high risk and difficult, and the first year was usually a juggle between trying to heal and recover with rest while getting into the rhythm of life with a newborn who has multiple siblings. I always felt like making it through the first year was a reason to celebrate, as well as celebrating this precious life that the Lord has entrusted to us.

As February slowly arrived this year, I cannot help but wonder what they would have looked like, their features and characteristics. My heart aches with a deep longing, and I yearn to hear the sounds of giggles with big, cheeky grins. My arms ache to hold them or to have their chubby little hands wrap their fingers around mine. I weep for what will never be. In this life anyway. 

Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

I cling instead to the hope that their giggles and joyful laughter echo throughout Heaven, where they are held in the warm embrace of their Heavenly Mother, their chubby little hands reaching for hers, though I cannot help but feel saddened that I am not the one experiencing this with them.

The 17th of February will always be a date I remember. The day our twins were due to enter this world. A day usually marked by cake and candles, but instead marked by quiet remembrance and longing. I hold onto hope that their first birthday is celebrated in Heaven, where they will never know sorrow or experience pain in this world, but instead share in eternity with our Lord.

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Pondering on what could have been and what now is, I have come up with a list of meaningful ways to honour and remember our babies who were gone too soon, fostering a sense of love and ongoing connection.

Below are some suggestions:

• Light a candle for each baby.
• Write a letter to the baby/babies.
• Offer up a prayer.
• Offer up a Mass.
• Create a small memorial garden.
• Bake a birthday cake.
• Offer up a Rosary.
• Donate to a pro-life pregnancy center in their honor.
• Have their names added to the Book of Life at the Shrine of the Holy Innocents in New York, and request a certificate of life for each baby.
• Encourage our other children to make birthday cards for their siblings in Heaven.

As we navigate this emotional journey of grief and honour the memory of our precious twins, it becomes clear that while their physical presence may be absent, their spirits remain ever close to our hearts, offering us hope and reassurance.

The 17th of February will always carry the weight of our loss, but it can also be transformed into a day of love, reflection, and connection to their eternal souls, lovingly created by our Lord.

I move forward in trust in our Lord and hope for a heavenly future where, one day, I will join them, with laughter and joy as we celebrate together in Heaven.

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