Those Who Mourn

by Nichole Haugen

Valentine’s Day can be painful when you’re grieving—no matter who you’ve lost.

Whether you’re grieving a spouse, a friend, or a parent, the reminders of love seem to be everywhere: hearts in store windows, couples holding hands, advertisements with flowers, dinners, and declarations of love.

Even if your loss isn’t romantic, the message can still land hard: love is being celebrated—and the person I love is gone.

For many grieving hearts, Valentine’s Day isn’t just about missing someone. It’s about feeling left out of a world that seems to have moved on without you.

If you live in a colder climate, this season can make it even harder. February is often dark, cold, and isolating. The holidays are over, spring still seems far away, and grief can feel heavier when the world itself feels closed in.

Photo by jabez Samuel on Unsplash

Valentine’s day is a stark reminder of the love we shared, the love we expected to keep sharing, and love that still exists but now carries longing and absence. 

For someone grieving a spouse, it may highlight companionship that’s gone.

For someone grieving a friend, it may stir memories of shared laughter and connection.

For someone grieving a parent, it may awaken the ache of unconditional love and belonging.

Grief doesn’t sort itself neatly into categories, and when it’s missing, reminders hurt.

You don’t need to get through Valentine’s day by lying to yourself and saying it’s fine. Instead, what you can do is be honest and care for yourself. 

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This might look like choosing one or two of these simple things to focus on:

Release the expectation of the day. If it feels hard, let it be hard. Tell yourself that you don’t need to force cheerfulness for the sake of others.

Limit social media or television. There can be a lot of pictures or advertisements that bring you sadness or pain. Have a plan for the day and days leading up to Valentine’s day. 

Have a place for your love to go. Maybe you want to light a candle in memory of the one you lost. You can write them a letter. You could do something in memory of them. Allow your love for them to flow out of you freely.

Take care of your body. Especially when it’s cold and dark out we can forget how that can contribute to our grief. Can you step outside for 5 or 10 minutes? Have your favorite warm drink on hand. Go for a short walk or do gentle stretches for movement.

Have simple go-to prayers to get through this time of year. Being honest with God saying, “God, I am struggling, help me to feel you near” or “Jesus, I trust in You” can help you feel calm, peace, and connection to Our Lord again throughout the day. 

My prayer is for you to be gentle and loving with yourself not only on Valentine’s day but throughout this month.

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